journal

February 25

Well I have a cast. I was legitimately frightened about that because so few people signed up for my auditions. Particularly I was afraid of casting the role of Dr. Eleven, because I really needed someone who had a lot of energy. I hate to pre-cast, but Henry had said he wanted to audition for my show, and I think he's crazy enough to pull it off, so I'd always wanted to cast him. But he'd been cast in 2 or 3 other shows so he did not audition. However, considering how much I stressed over it, I'm fairly content now with my cast. Nick Barber came, despite not having signed up for auditions, and I think he can pull off Eleven. I was glad he showed up, because of the other people that auditioned, I couldn't really see them being able to pull off Eleven. I was also in that predicament that I might have had to either change one o the male roles to female due to the lack of guys problem that seems to be very common. Either that or holding a second day of auditions, which I didn't want to do. I suppose I could have changed Ralph to a girl, obviously I'd have to change the name. Anyway, I have a cast that I think could work, and that's a huge relief. Now I just need to finish tweaking the script and be ready to start after spring break.

March 15
Today we had our first read through of the script, and scheduled rehearsal times for the next 5 weeks until show run. My cast seemed to really enjoy the script- I anticipate I'll still be tweaking it throughout rehearsal. At the time I think I'm happy of where it is in the process, though things still seem off about it. I know it's far from perfect, and that I'm my own worst critic- but. Well anyway. We met for about an hour and we all went through our schedules and agreed upon a rehearsal schedule. So we are starting tomorrow at 8:00 pm.

March 21
So we spent the entire week in the studio. So far we have drilled scene 1, and began drilling scene 2. I've basically followed the format of beginning with entirely organic blocking, and then making adjustments and repeating the scene over and over. I split each scene in smaller chunks, usually marked by an entrances. Scene 1 is the longest scene, so I had to chop that up more than scene 2. I'm actually pleased where we are after 1 week. I know if I was more experienced, it would be a whole lot better, but all things considering, I think it's looking pretty good. Jason came in to look at it. Originally I was just going to have him watch a rough stumble through of what I had so far, but Nick was apparently having a mental breakdown or something because 2 of his friends died, so I just had Jason watch a read through, which was fine because I still had a lot of concerns about the script at this point. He suggested 2 major things about the script. First off, I needed more moments of genuine sincerity. I had 2 already- I had the torture scene, and the scene at the end between John and Ralph. But I needed 2 or 3 more moments of seriousness that took the audience out of the chaos and absurdity to suggest there was some thought to be had here, however it would then be throw out by something else absurd. He also said we needed some grand finale of an ending. That I've taken this journey of absurdity, but I needed to take it one step farther and just drop all of the reality I've set up and juts go out into the oblivion of ridiculousness. After he left I discussed this with the cast, Nick had showed up by this time, and we spent the rest of our time brainstorming ideas for such a grand ending, as well as ideas for moments of seriousness. Some issues I've run into this week is trying my best to stay organized. This week actually was surprisingly organized, at least for me. However I did feel bad calling in Jared when he didn't need to be there, like he's not in scene 1 at all, and we spent the most time doing that this week. I probably should have a stage manager to keep my ass organized because I know organization is far from one of my better skills. I've also noticed that I have the unfortunate tendency to get side tracked easily. There is also a bit of an issue with Amber- she is extremely quiet. I have a hard time hearing her on stage. I cast her because she has almost the perfect quality I want for pink, she is very cute and whimsical, etc. However, she really doesn't seem to be capable of projecting her voice. It's still early in the process, but I'm concerned she's going to be completely lost when an audience comes to see the show, and doesn't seem to respond to much that I can throw at her. Despite these issues, I'm still happy with what I accomplished this week.

March 28
This week we are in the MPR, because I couldn't get the studio. I've lost some of that optimism I had a week ago. Because of Matt's show, I couldn't have Nick- and for other reasons we didn't have any rehearsal last week. Which was fine, we agreed upon that back when we made the schedule, since we had 5 weeks back then, we would only have 4. Regardless, I told my cast to spend the week just memorizing their lines, and that I expected them off book. I didn't actually expect them entirely off book, but I figured if I told them this, they would at least be close to off book. That was not the case. We simply read through the script today to test the lines. I had planned to do a quick read through, then get it on its feet. Shane probably knew his lines the best, although Shane's lines, particularly in scene 1 are about a sentence or less long, and he had most of them memorized just from drilling scene 1 and 2. He was still rusty on scene 3, as we'd never done it, which indicated he didn't look over it much over break. Jared was still pretty rusty, as was Amber. Nick was absolutely horrible. He could barely go two lines without me spoon feeding him a line. Actually it would be more accurate to say he could barely get two words- literally- at certain points it became, I fed him the line, and he'd just repeat it. It was honestly disappointing that I asked him to be off script and he even admitted that he did not look at it even once the previous week. We never really got it up on its feet, we just did another read through.
It was honestly pretty upsetting.

March 29
So Nick seems to have looked over his lines a little because he is more on game tonight, and we worked scene 1 and 2. I'm not focusing much on staging because of the lack of scenery that I can set up in the MPR, so I'm looking for acting, intentions, goals, that sorta thing. After rehearsal I was trying to talk to Amber about how I can help her with projection and what not. The conversation kind of just went off. We both made an observation that Shane didn't seem to be interested in the play anymore, or that something seemed off about him- like he just didn't like the show. I did, however, come to a critical realization. I know that I described briefly my intention with the play to my cast, but perhaps it was to brief because Amber did not understand very well, and I only just now realized that perhaps the rest of my cast didn't understand it either. So it is my full intention to talk with the rest of the cast tomorrow, first thing, about the play.

March 30
So today started off just like I intended, I spent a good half hour simply discussing everything that I really wanted this play to be about. I explained that it was about doubt, and that anyone's most closely held beliefs and values could be absurd in the eyes of someone else. That we all grow up to understand the world to be a certain way, but ultimately, there is no way to know if it's that way or not. Society's have expectations and standards, but different society's have other expectations and standards. The things that are accepted, or frowned upon, or what not, these all differ. And in the end who is right, no one can really say. Maybe everyone is. Maybe no one is. I explained that every single character represented something, particularly in relationship to John. John was a newborn child that understood nothing about the world, and learned that absurdity is the norm. I had used the concept that John was a new born child before, as it influences blocking and John's behavior in the first scene, however I don't think Shane fully understood why John was like that. Dr. Eleven was his father figure, and Pink was like a peer. They both represented different realms of influence in John's life. Ralph however was a conflicting view that came to John later in his life, after he accepted what was normal about the world, thus John rejects him. But Ralph is epitome of that feeling of being the last sane person on the face of the planet that I think many of us feel at times. We discussed these concepts for a while, and I was right- that they didn't get the full ramifications of the show before that point, which explains a lot of what I haven't been getting from them up until this point in the process. Still one of my bigger concerns right now still remains- getting more from Amber. She doesn't seem to be responding well to much of what I give her. Casey asked me to switch days with her for Directing class tomorrow, so I think I'm going to use my day to ask about exercises in projection.

April 5
Today Jason came to rehearsal, and looked at my staging. I showed him scene 1, then let my cast take a break while he gave me notes. I asked about the dynamics of my blocking, and he emphasized it needed to be much more. That I needed a much more stylized version of what I had. What I did have was good, but it needed to exist on another level, and the pacing needed to be much faster. This play needed to stay a step ahead of the audience, because if they ever caught up, it loses a lot. He re-staged a section after Pink's entrance. He showed me I had to be very specific in my direction, and get up and show them. Basically a style I was afraid of getting into because I as much more sitting back and allowing my actor's to find what was comfortable. I was trying to avoid being a micro manager, but I realized now that I was too removed from that, I needed to move more in that direction, it created something much more concrete. What more was that Amber responded well to what Jason gave her- a much more hands on style of directing than what I was giving her.

April 6
Today I worked with Nick one on one to help him define each of his 6 personalities. I used an exercise I learned from Rick. We went into the MPR and I asked Nick to close his eyes, and imagine his character standing in front of him. We started off with his default doctor's personality. I asked him questions like how does the doctor hold himself, what kind of facial expressions does he have, what are his mannerisms, his gestures. What is he thinking, what is important to him, what drives him- etc. etc. Nick imagined Doctor 11 as a caring, calm, professional for about 2 or 3 minutes, and I told him that when he has a good strong detailed image in his head, for him to step forward into this character he has imagined and assume all the characteristics he just imagined. Then I played a simple improv where I pretended to be a patient and just had Nick pretend to be the Doctor. I had him walk around a bit to feel him out. After a few minutes I repeated the exercise with his gay personality. Afterwards I told him to speak the dialogue that his normal and gay personalities hold with each other. And to think what it felt like when Dr. Eleven changed personalities. I had him argue with himself 3 times, after the first time, I stood on the opposite side of the room and told him that I wanted to feel the professionalism and flamboyance from where I was standing. Because Nick seemed to be responding positively to this exercise, I repeated it with each of his other four personalities. Asking him questions about them, making suggestions, as he imagined each one mentally and assumed it. I told him that each image he created was a doll that he could put away into his tool box and pick out and assume at any time, that's how clear I wanted each of these images in his mind to be. I tried to find a moment where he switched between personalities to help define each by clashing it with another. After repeating the exercise with all 6 of his personalities, we had a discussion about what his normal personality would be like drunk, because in Nick's mind it was almost like a 7th separate personality. I just told him mostly to remember to not act drunk, as he has been having the tendency to deliberately stumble around when drunk, I reminding him that to act drunk, you have to fail at acting sober essentially. That many people have told me, and that I know now, a drunk person tries convince others that he is sober, so I told Nick to just think about his center of gravity and make each step a thought out process... something we don't think about when we're sober, as it is just natural. Afterwards, I did one final improv with him in which I told him he could either use dialogue from the play or say anything that came to mind. We just acted out a simple game where I was a patient coming in for an appointment, but when I snapped my fingers and yelled a personality he had to switch to that personality instantly. I was actually quit pleased with him by this point because he made the switches almost flawlessly during this exercise, and if he can keep what he gave me during it for the actual show, I will be very happy with it.

On different Note, Nick relayed a message from Shane to me about the fact that I have rehearsals all throughout Easter Weekend, and that he couldn't make it. I really wish Shane would have told this to me personally, and much earlier. Apparently he was rather upset with it, but I don't understand because I made the schedule WITH all my actors present. We went through the calendar each week and agreed upon days we could all meet, and now Shane is apparently getting upset with me for chosing the days that I did. I'll have to speak with him tomorrow, but I'm a bit agitated about it all things considered- particularly being the last week before tech- Ugh.

April 7
Today is the first time I actually worked the Grand ending that we'd been talking about for a while. In class the other day I was discussing my intentions, and decided to forgo a curtain call, a decision I'd been juggling for a while. So I took 3 ideas from my list of random brainstormed ideas, and they were- Fight Scene, Musical Number, and Dramatic Death. Andy agreed to come in and teach Shane and Amber how to waltz. So basically we split a large chunk of rehearsal into me teaching Jared and Shane fight choreography, while Andy took Shane and Amber away and taught them to dance. Then we fused the two together, where I showed Shane and Amber where to Dance so as to counter the fight. I basically had them countering each other's location around the center point of the stage, which was the table. I think it worked out pretty well, and the cast was happy, since we never really had run this final part yet. It still needed some polishing, but I now officially had a show.
Tech Week
So I'm just going to mesh this all into one entry as it is all kinda a blur inside my mind. It had been a concern of mine for a while about getting board ops for my show, because everyone was busy with something or another. Vikki agreed to do the sound board, and Steve agreed to do my light board, if I could get someone to teach him how to do it. Nate agreed to do this, however I could not get a hold of him the first night of tech. Fortunately Addam happened to wander down to the studio and he taught Steve how to do it. So the first night of tech was a lot of screwing with light cues and sound cues. Steve unfortunately found that he could not do my light board, so I had to kind of figure it out the second night. There was a problem with the lighting cues the second night and I had to completely redo them on Wednesday. I didn't have much time to pay attention to my actors. I know I had to tell them at a certain point to stop ad libbing more things into the play, some of those ad libs surprised each other and they broke character. One night, Joe stayed back after Hayley's show to watch mine and he was laughing so hard that several times my cast broke character. I know one thing in particular I kept meaning to tell Nick not to do was to slam the 300 sword into the bed post because it was dangerous- but since he started doing that during tech week, and my head was filled with lighting and sound cues and what not, I could never remember to tell him not to do it, and in retrospect, I really should have. Thankfully he never hit Jared with it- but still.
Overall, the experience of this week was mind numbing- especially since I'd never done it before and didn't entirely know what to expect or think. If I had to do it again, I'd be more prepared- both mentally and actually prepared. I should have done more preparation and planning for lighting and sound design- or had someone help me with that.
Show and Reflections
The show I think went fairly well, both audiences seemed to react well for the most part. I took mental notes at the sections that got really drawn out, and where the script needs a lot of fixing itself. I got a lot of positive feedback, and some negative feedback as well. For my first actual show, I was mostly happy with it, but I realize there is a lot of room for improvement on my part, both from a playwriting perspective, and directing perspective, but I learned a crap ton, once I process it all in my brain. I know organization is a big area that needs improvement- it is an area that is lacking. I talked to Barb and she told me that I should not have directed my own show, or at least not be the first person to have directed my own show, because it would have needed a fresh perspective, and I definitely am going to do someone else's work next time I direct. I think understand it was perhaps foolish to do my own play, especially considering it's far from finished, but it was an odd idea I've been running with and I really wanted to know how an audience would react to it. Jason seems to have liked it, or at the very least is good at encouragement.